Who said jumpers for goalposts

It was in east London and they were just some kids. I was fine. What surprised me was how surprised everyone else was because I think the world's still a bit more homophobic than you realise if you're straight. It didn't feel like a massive surprise to me that it happened.

I had already been commissioned to write the play but I guess it shaped it. Things like that do make you feel more articulate about certain things. I think if you want theatre to be inclusive, the worst thing to do would be to write a really lecture-y play. So having a group of characters who just are what they are and are having fun felt to me like a good way of going with it.

I'm really proud of the play and what it says about a gay community that you don't see very often on stage. James Grieve - who's directed it - and I sat down and we were trying to work out what the right way of delivering the results was.

We said: "There's the dream way of doing it, which is to get James Alexander Gordon to do it. It was so kind. It was amazing. And now he's retired and it feels really special to be using his voice. And there's something really beautiful about hearing his voice read the scores for Tranny United and Barely Athletic.

He absolutely took it seriously. You know, marvellous. But Giggsy-Wiggsy. Precocious talent, isn't he? Ooh, got it all, you know? Speed, acceleration, sweet left foot, all the tricks - the dummy, the drop of the shoulder, the shimmy, nutmeg, jiggery-pokery, hocus pocus, abracadabra, I wanna reach out and grab ya.

Steve Miller Band? Spin Doctors? Ooh, very similar. Football Commentator: Thank you, Ron. Now, Tommy, it's interesting to see the diamond formation being used again.

Ron Manager: Diamond formation? Does anyone really know what that is? I mean, at least you knew where you were with Alf Ramsey's wingless wonders. The Teams Each week, respected team captains England manager-elect Ron and Scottish hardman Tommy will be joined by host Simon Day and four very special footballing and celebrity guests in a show packed with humour, football and Ron's inimitable wisdom.

Viewers will be able to enjoy a touch-line perspective as the two sides do battle each week to win the ultimate accolade of Jumpers for Goalposts Series Champion. The Glorious Game Offering a mix of comedy, classic clips and specially shot showbiz surprises, regular features will include Ron demonstrating his 'Top Tips', plus recently unearthed archive of black and white 'Public Information Films' made by Ron Manager for the World Cup.

A game of many halves, the contest will culminate in the nail-biting 'Slow Fire Round' - an assortment of bizarre and occasionally pointless questions that will offer a new perspective into the world of 'the beautiful game'. Touchline Commentary Paul Whitehouse aka Ron Manager said, "Jumpers for Goalposts is a simple, fun football quiz for small girls, small boys, large girls and large boys.

We have to keep it simple because we have footballers and celebrities as guests, so the questions can't be too hard can they? Spending much of it as a tough, uncompromising wing-half at Fulham, he won England U honours, but never a full cap.

A little-known fact is that Ron's middle name is in fact Player, though he has since dropped it. Following retirement, his ignominy was complete when his own Manchester based chain of 'own-label', 'man-made-fibre' clothes boutiques went bust.